Creating an Effective Parenting Plan

Devising a parenting plan is one of the most crucial aspects of family mediation. Opinions vary on how much flexibility a plan should contain, and ultimately, this is a personal choice. The “best”approach depends on numerous factors, including the nature of the parental relationship and the specific needs of the children involved.

Even in amicable separations, I advocate for detailed agreements that clearly outline expectations for each parent. Being thorough from the outset, even on seemingly minor details, can prevent future conflicts and allow for a smoother co-parenting experience.

A well-structured parenting plan is not just a safeguard against disputes; it is a tool to ensure both parents are aligned in their roles, thereby creating a stable environment for the children. While many plans include the more obvious elements, such as basic custody schedules and holiday arrangements, several critical aspects are often overlooked.

Here are some inclusions that can help foster a seamless coparenting arrangement:

Extracurricular Activities: Define who is responsible for enrolling children in extracurricular activities and ensure both parents commit to taking the children to these activities during their custodial time. If one parent cannot or will not facilitate this, an agreement should be in place allowing the other parent to take over without forfeiting future time with the child.

Healthcare and Personal Care Appointments: Establish who will book appointments (doctor, dentist, therapist, etc.) and ensure they are scheduled during that parent's custodial time unless agreed otherwise. This also applies to personal care appointments like haircuts.

Clothing and Personal Items: Each parent should have a reasonable amount of age- and weather-appropriate clothing at their home. This circumvents the need for constant transferring of clothes and ensures the child is comfortable and prepared in both homes.

Unified Front: Both parents should agree on rules regarding things like screen time, consequences, and major purchases for the child (e.g., technology, toys, pets). Most importantly, both parents should agree to maintain a respectful attitude when speaking about each other in the children's presence.

Introducing New Partners: Establish guidelines for introducing new partners to the children. For instance, decide if the other parent should meet the new partner first or if they should be present during the initial introduction. 

Authorized Individuals for Pickup and Care: Create a list of individuals authorized to pick up or care for the children. This is especially useful in the event that the custodial parent is unexpectedly rendered unable to care for the children (e.g., health issue, work commitment, family emergency, etc.). Most plans include a right of first refusal, meaning the other parent is given the opportunity to take the children before another caretaker is called.

Cost-Sharing Agreements: Determine how costs will be split for school supplies, uncovered healthcare expenses, extracurricular activities, and other child-related costs. Thorough guidelines are highly recommended, as finances tend to be a major point of contention. Clear expectations help eliminate disagreements over where and how money is spent and feelings of resentment.

Pick-Up and Drop-Off Arrangements: Specify times and locations for custody exchanges on non-school days and holidays with a clause to ensure punctuality.

Decision-Making Tie Breaker: Implement a tie breaker rule for important educational and medical decisions. In the event parents cannot agree, they may follow the recommendation of a relevant third-party or professional (e.g., doctor, dentist, therapist, teacher).

Financial Planning: Decide if both parents will contribute to life insurance policies and savings funds for the children. Additionally, determine who will claim the children on taxes to ensure fairness and compliance with tax regulations.

A comprehensive plan not only benefits the parents by providing structure and eliminating potential conflict points, but also cultivates a predictable and stable environment for the children. Covering all bases, even those that seem minor, allows for a harmonious co-parenting journey that is conducive to creating the best possible outcome for your children.

Have experience with a parenting plan? We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!